Life By Mom's Rules: A Survival GuideSometimes as a parent you'll have to elaborate on Because I said so.
As children we protested the obvious unfairness of our parents. How come they always got to make the decisions? Why don't I get a choice? I should have a choice.
My mother very calmly looked at me during one of these tirades when I was about middle school age and said "Do you see that fence?". She pointed out to the road and the fence that surrounded our property.
"Yes, I see it" I replied. "But you're not listening to me!"
"Well", she told me, "outside that fence is the United States of America. Out there it's a democracy and as soon as you move outside that fence you can make whatever decisions you want. Inside this fence is a dictatorship and I'm the dictator. As long as you live inside this fence, I make the rules!"
My mother was right (but I'll never admit I said it). As much as I always swore I'd never say it, I've learned that sometimes "because I said so" is the only answer that makes kids stop asking. Sigh...
Other lessons
I totally agree with you. I have issues with a 16yo and she wants to move out in 6 months when she turns 17 because I am such a dictator. I tell her once she's at college she wont have to live by my rules, but she'll have to face the consequenses. Parenting is sometimes so hard. My mother should have warned me...wait. I think she did...
ReplyDeletei've been saying a few "because i said so"s recently to my four year old seems to be on a tantrumy phase. but each time i say it i feel guity. that's no good reason to do anything!
ReplyDeleteMy mom said "for fun" instead. That satisfied me for a while. I liked the idea of fun. : )
ReplyDeleteI've been told by many people with older children that being a dictator when they're young makes the kids much happier when they're older. It's no fun being the "ruthless dictator" when they're young, but as they grow older and can start making more and more choices they appreciate the gradual introduction into the family democracy.
ReplyDeleteOne thing my father always did with me is allow me to argue my point. He always said that if I could give him a good reason to change his mind, he would. And sometimes it worked. I learned very quickly how to use logic and reason to debate anything, something that has served me well in adulthood. :)
LOL...loved this post. My kids think I am so unfair sometimes. I just tell them, in 10 or so years you can start making rules...
ReplyDeleteYou have a smart mom:)
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