Enigma

There was a post very similar to this by Char over at Ramblins that I really loved so I wanted to do something similar. So here is me:

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I'm a girl who's often compared to guys, a "guy in a skirt" if you will. I own all my own tools, I've always done the painting and home repairs, I shovel the snow in the winter time. If something needs to be done then I'm not waiting for a man to come do it for me (even when maybe I should). I appreciate help at the home improvement store but I hate the guys who tell me how to do everything, assume I can't do it anyway because I'm a girl, and call me Sweetheart.

I'm also called a hippy a lot by people in Nevada which I find hilarious because coming from Oregon where there are real hippies I know that a true hippy would be offended that someone driving a jacked up 4x4 truck and who thinks patchouli is smelly (sorry to the people who like it, I don't mean to offend) would ever be considered a hippy. I'm also told that I'm a living contradiction (the whole hippy, redneck, girl next door combo) and I fell in love with the word enigma. I like being an enigma, it fits me.

I have a hard time being a "girl". I'm more likely to be friends with guys because I get them. The girls that I am friends with are, like me, half guy. We don't talk about shoes, makeup, or the stereotypical girl stuff. The only "female" topics we discuss are the men in our lives and our kids. I love strappy sandals, the really dainty ones, and they give me a nice twinge of happy but I refuse to talk about shoes for 3 hours on end no matter how much I like them.

I cry sometimes but not as often as maybe I should sometimes. I'm always the strong one who, no matter how bad it sucks, may cry but will always suck it up and go on because Life Goes On. Many times I've been in a situation where I watched the people around me break down and I was jealous that I couldn't do the same. I don't mean just cry but they turned into complete total wrecks for a couple of days. I wanted to be a mess but I'm made of stronger stuff and just couldn't do it. I always land on my feet.

I love bright colors and I think the colors I would paint a room scare some people. Green is my favorite color because it reminds me of the outdoors. I loved the green that was everywhere in Oregon growing up (it was SO vibrant) but I couldn't stand the clouds and the rain. Now I live in Nevada, a desert. Originally I tried not to look at the hills because I thought all of the brown was ugly but now I see the beauty in it, too. And I'm completely in love with our blue skies. When people ask me if I ever want to move back to Oregon I tell them that "I miss the green but I love the blue more".

I love hiking and camping and don't do it enough. The oceanside is one of my happy places. Especially a little beach in Oregon called Strawberry Hill where there are wild strawberries, sandy beach, rocky areas, tide pools, sea lions and good agate hunting. I used to stand at the edge of the tide looking out at the ocean and feel an immense sadness that I could never really be part of something so beautiful. That even if I were to jump in and give myself up completely to the ocean, while I would be IN it, I would not be PART of it. It still makes me sad sometimes.

I have great luck in my life. It's partly about always landing on my feet but it's more, too. I win prizes on the radio a lot but I don't try that hard. I only got a two year degree but I still worked my way into the job that I want working with people who have bachelor's degrees or more. Even when finances were really tight I always managed to pay the bill. I sometimes think that I have an invisible valet that just makes things go how I want them to.

I love books. My long-standing favorite books are Anne of Green Gables, To Sail Beyond the Sunset, and Life of Pi. I've always loved to read and when I was in the fourth grade my grandmother gave me Anne of Green Gables to encourage it. After reading that book I spent a year wishing my name was Cordelia or at least wishing it could be Anne. Now my daughter's middle name is Anne but I'm sure she'll wish for something else, too.

Cooking is not something that I do all that well. Oh, I make the basics and my kids get healthy meals, but I'm just a decent plain cook. I'd like to do more. I do love to bake, though. Cookies are often made at home and taken to work so I can have the fun of making them without the guilt of eating all of them. I won't bake with plain vanilla. My mother always used mexican vanilla and now I do, too.

I love the website iamneurotic.com because I know that I'm not alone.