Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Life By Mom's Rules: A Survival Guide

Life By Mom's Rules: A Survival Guide

Before they do the time, make SURE they did the crime.

So I mentioned in the first Rules from Mom that sometimes she had those moments where it was clear she wasn't perfect, moments where I learned what not to do. A clear point of this is the moment of the chocolate chips.

We loved chocolate chips. And we stole the bags from the pantry ALL the time. But we lived in the sticks so hiding the bags was problematic. If you put the bags in the trash then mom will surely find them and you're busted. But if you hide them anywhere in the house then you are equally screwed. So my oldest sisters, then around 10 and 11 years old, got creative. They hid the bag under the mattress of the next sister, middle-middle (who was about 5). Then if it was found, THEY weren't going to be in trouble! Brilliant, yes? Um...

Not long after this my mother was looking for something that had gone missing. It was more serious and completely unrelated to the chocolate chips so let's just say that it was 2am and she was in a VERY bad mood. And she was tossing bedrooms, ALL of them. She came to middle-middle's room and lifted the mattress and there was the chocolate chip bag. It was obvious, in a 2am haze, that of course she had done the crime and therefore must bear the punishment.

So the next day, still angry, my mother sat down middle-middle with a bowl filled with 2 pounds of chocolate chips and a trash can. If she wanted chocolate chips, she was going to get chocolate chips. And she's not getting up till it's done (hence the trash can)... It didn't come out until that very first Confession Christmas what had really happened, more than 20 years after the incident. Middle-middle still doesn't like chocolate chip cookies to this day, more than 30 years later.

Now that I have my own kids, before I punish them, I make sure that they're guilty. Circumstantial isn't enough.

Other lessons learned


  1. Hahaha! That's so funny! But my question is this: how do you ever really know? I've gotten to the point where I just say Be Nice because I don't have a clue who's really guilty and who's just trying to avoid getting punished.

  2. Right now I'm pretty lucky because #2 is a *really* bad liar and #3 hasn't realized that she needs to lie. This has made it pretty easy to tell the guilty so far.

  3. hysterical...not for middle-middle of course. I can relate to living in the sticks. I used to try to sneak alcohol in my house, but had no where to hide it. Instead my friends and I used to store it (in the winter) outside in the snow. The key was to remember exactly WHERE we buried it.

  4. Okay middle middle here... It was tough growing up being the wierdo who hated chocolate chip cookies and didn't understand why. But I was never a good liar - best I didn't try! I suck at telling stories too. At least I'm not fat - from chocolate. Mom never figured out who keep drinking the maple syrup in my milk. Why did #1 & #2 teach me that one? Damn sweet tooth ;)


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